A daily gift from God

Ive gotten to the point where i don't want to watch the news. I want to unsubscribe from any news source on my facebook feed, or just avoid the internet all together.

(Well....maybe ill still look at Pintrest every now and then.) :)

I see things every day that break my heart into a million pieces. Murder, suicide, unexpected calls home to God. Its made me terrified of death. Not for myself...but for the one person in this world that i know i could NOT live without.

My Hudson.

I'm really not wanting to explore or even address this morbid issue on this post, but i feel like seeing things like that make me appreciate what i have more and more every day. Its a huge wake up call every time i hear of a mother losing her child, or having a child that isn't healthy like my little man. It makes me thankful for every single minute of every single day. Things will ALWAYS be okay now that this tiny little human has came into my life. (Except for the occasional poop explosion of course.)

Every day when i pick him up from daycare is like Christmas morning. The anticipation builds up all day, followed by carefully speeding to daycare, then trying to look like I'm just walking (in reality I'm sure i look like a goofball, shuffling across the floor at what some would call a slow jog) the entire way to his classroom door. I always open the door slowly, trying to catch a glimpse of what he is doing before he sees my face. (And because a part of me hopes he's just standing there, waiting for mommy...and id hate to smack him in the head with the door.)

The moment he sees me i see the overwhelming amount of unconditional love that sweeps over his face. The smile, the squeal, the laughter....it makes me feel like the most important person in the world. He takes off running as fast as his little legs can carry him and throws himself into my arms, giving me a daily reminder that THIS is what life is all about.

I can only hope that every person in this world will someday get that daily "gift". I feel like its a nudge from the big man upstairs, telling me to let go of stress from work, or anything else in my life that's causing discomfort.

Throughout my life i always questioned if i would have children someday. Hudson was a HUGE surprise, and looking back on what my life was like before him, God knew exactly what he was doing. It was time to grow up.

I was in a place where i was constantly questioning what i was doing with my life, who i was going to be, when i was finally going to find something that i was good at. As soon as Hudson entered this world, i got my answer. I was destined to be a mom. From making eye contact with him for the first time, to smelling his sweet baby breath, to hearing him laugh, to watching him take those first steps.....Dreams i never knew i had were coming true one after the other. Whisper, after whisper from God, saying "i told you so! i told you so!"

Last night i saw a news story about a local girl that took her life due to bullying. I was rocking Hudson to sleep at the time, watching every single one of my tears roll down and drop onto his blanket. Happy/"I'm so lucky" tears...and terrified tears of what he may have to endure as he gets older. I can only hope that he trusts me enough to still run to my arms any time he is going through a rough patch. I hope that he trusts me enough to know that i will ALWAYS protect him and love him, no matter what. I prayed and prayed before i laid him down, asking God over and over to keep any eye on him, and make sure that he will always be okay, because mommy would never be okay without him.

I have peace knowing that my God was listening, because he always has, and that was proven with the gift of this little man.

Everyone should count their blessings every day. Life is way too short. Whether its a child, your dog, the pretty flowers you planted outside....take it all in. Appreciate what you have, and never EVER question what the big man upstairs has planned. It all works out in the end.

Ill leave you with a quote from The Notebook...i think conveys my message appropriately. :)

"I am nothing special; just a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten. But in one respect I have succeeded as gloriously as anyone who's ever lived: I've loved another with all my heart and soul; and to me, this has always been enough."

Mommy loves you, baby Hudson.

:)

xoxo

Candace